


Drama

by orphan_account



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Beverly Marsh Knows Everything, Beverly Marsh is a Good Friend, Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier Being Idiots, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak is a Mess, Gay Panic, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Oblivious Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier is a Little Shit, Richie Tozier is a Mess, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Stupidity, Teenage Losers Club (IT), This Is STUPID, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Your Mom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:33:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22609330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Eddie Kaspbrak and Richie Tozier both audition for the school musical, never in a million years expecting to be playing romantic leads. Now they have to pretend to be in love and learn their lines, all while dealing with their true feelings behind the scenes. They're dumb idiots and they dig their own graves. But is it possible that maybe, just maybe, all hope is not lost for these gay morons?
Relationships: Beverly Marsh & Eddie Kaspbrak, Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok hi so before you read the fic you are morally obligated to read this because i said so. idk if there'll be any sensitive subject matter in this fanfic, so i didn't put any content warnings in the tags or anything, but before you read i just wanted to let you know that there's a high chance there'll be graphic violence and maybe some other stuff. ok thanks for reading enjoy your time bye :))

Eddie was thankful class was finally over.

He’d been waiting all day, anxiously staring at the clock and getting yelled at by his teachers for not paying attention in class, but it was worth it. He couldn’t let anything dampen his mood. This year was the final year that he could audition for the school musical, being a senior and all, and with a bit of convincing from Bill and Bev, he had decided to finally do it. 

As he walked quickly through the halls, dodging through the crowds of students crammed up against lockers, he was lost in thought. He hadn’t ever been much of a “theater kid”, per se, but since he couldn’t join track because of his asthma (well, “ _asthma_ ”), he figured it would be a great way to try something new and meet some new people. 

_I wonder who’ll get the lead._  
_I know I’ll only get ensemble, but it’ll be fun! I’m only doing this for fun. _  
_I wonder if anyone I know will be auditioning. _____

_____ _

However, no matter how hard he tried

_____ _

_Maybe I’ll make a new friend?_

_____ _

he couldn’t get the small anxious feeling in the pit of his stomach to go away. He’d never tried anything like this before. What if he was a horrible actor? What if he forgot one of his lines and started having an asthma attack? What if-

_____ _

His thought process was cut off as he slammed into someone’s backpack and tumbled into a locker. He stumbled to get back up and was met face-to-face by none other than Richie Tozier.

_____ _

“Woah there, Eddie Spaghetti. Slow down, save that energy for later!” Richie said, and made an obscene movement that Eddie scoffed at as he fully regained his stance and started to push past and continue on towards the auditorium. 

_____ _

“That’s disgusting, Richie. Do you ever think about what you do before you do it? Does anything go on inside your head, or is it just a barren wasteland?”

_____ _

Richie chuckled as he sped to catch up with Eddie. He threw an arm around Eddie’s shoulders and just shrugged his own as they continued to walk on. Eddie wanted to ask where Richie was headed, but the feeling of Richie’s arm around him spread a weird feeling through his body and instead he occupied himself with trying to figure out what the fuck that was. He and Richie had been friends for years, ever since they were little kids, but recently being around Richie had just felt… different. A really weird kind of different; one that he didn’t know how to feel about. Mostly because he didn’t know what it was. When he and Richie touched, or when Richie called him by a nickname, or they got too close… Eddie lost his wits. So he decided that if he acted the same as he always had around Richie, friendly but not really, it would go away. Like some sort of phase or something. But it didn’t. He was starting to wonder whether he should-

_____ _

“Eds, watch out!”

_____ _

Eddie directly collided with the auditorium door without realizing it and the blow knocked him backwards into Richie. Richie caught him and helped him through the doors and into a seat in the back of the auditorium. Eddie held his nose, hoping there was no blood on his hand when he pulled it away. That would be just his luck. Bloody nose on audition day. He moved his hand hesitantly, and when he didn’t see any blood, he relaxed a little bit. He looked up at Richie, who was standing above him with a grin on his face. 

_____ _

“What the fuck, Eds? At first I thought you just weren’t watching where you were going today, but now you’ve done this twice and it’s starting to seem like you’re trying to fall for me. Honestly, you don’t have to swoon that hard, I already know I’m hilarious. In fact, just ask your mom, I’m sure-”

_____ _

“Oh, hello, boys! If you’re here for auditions, you can come up to the front, we’ll begin once everyone’s here and ready to go.” A short woman with small glasses and a bright patterned dress stood a few feet away from them with a warm smile on her face. She gestured behind her to the front of the auditorium where there were already a few people hanging out around the stage, then turned around and walked backstage while she talked to another student.

_____ _

Richie offered his hand to Eddie in a dramatic flourish. “Would you like me to help you up, kind sir?” he said, taking on a British accent. Eddie rolled his eyes and pushed Richie’s arm down as he got up and walked past him, hopping up onto the stage. Richie followed him and said, “So, trying out for the school musical? No offense, Eds, but you don’t seem like the type.”

_____ _

Eddie looked at him indignantly. “I am so the type to try out for the school musical! I’ll be the biggest theater kid you’ve ever seen, just watch!” Richie laughed and nodded his head. 

_____ _

“I’m sure you will be, Eds.” He noticed the look on Eddie’s face. “I believe you! I really do! I’m sorry, Eddie-Bear, please forgive me,” he added dramatically, looking at Eddie with pleading eyes and sticking his bottom lip out while folding his hands together. Eddie rolled his eyes again, but he couldn’t keep the smile off his face.

_____ _

“Don’t call me Eddie-Bear, Rich, that’s weird! And I can see you mocking me, but I’ll have you know I’m entirely right. I was born to do theater!” 

_____ _

“Oh, okay. I get it. So you’re allowed to call me Rich and everything’s fine and dandy, but I call you one nickname and you go ballistic? I absolutely will not stand for this, I demand compensation for my poor hurt feelings.”

_____ _

Just as Richie finished talking, the short woman in the glasses from earlier stood up on the stage and motioned for everyone to quiet down.

_____ _

_Oh God, the auditions were starting._

_____ _

Everyone began hopping off of the stage and moving to sit in the first two rows of seats to listen. Eddie had assumed the short woman was the director, and he was right. She introduced herself to everyone as Topeka. As she ran through the directions and what they were going to do, Eddie began to get nervous and he felt his chest start to tighten up. He fumbled for his inhaler in his fanny pack, hoping it wasn’t too noticeable. Before he could use it, though, Richie reached over and grabbed his wrist, taking the inhaler out of Eddie’s hand so that he could hold his hands and look at him. 

_____ _

“Hey, Eds, you okay? Hey, look at me. You’ll do fine. You fought a huge flesh-eating monster when you were 12 years old and now you’re afraid to audition for a stupid musical? No way. And you don’t need this inhaler, you know that. It’s all in your head. Just breathe, you’ll be fine. Trying new things, remember?” Eddie nodded and started to calm down, focusing on his breathing, but once he realized Richie was holding his hands he yanked them out of his grip and turned to face the stage once again. 

_____ _

Richie flinched at the sudden movement and wondered if he had done something wrong.

_____ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi it's me again i know im sorry but yes the first chapter starts off slightly slow i know thank you but i promise there's a reason for that and i already wrote a couple more chapters so i might possibly actually have a consistent upload schedule. i also didn't edit this chapter very well cause i kinda sorta wrote it in a rush so im super sorry if there are any mistakes! thanks for reading ur great bye :)))


	2. Chapter 2

The auditions had gone surprisingly well, better than Eddie had expected, and he was now walking home with Richie. He’d wanted to walk home by himself; he’d said it was just to clear his head but really he didn’t know how much longer he could handle being around Richie with this weird feeling lingering around. But Richie insisted on walking home with him, wrapping around Eddie’s arm and falling to his knees to beg. Eddie had finally given in and Richie spent the entire walk to Eddie’s house goofing off and being his usual trashmouth self.

Once they reached Eddie’s house, Richie spoke up. “Hey, Eds, can I come inside and hang out? We could eat some snacks and watch a movie or something, or-”

“No!” Eddie said a little too quickly, frantically turning to face Richie. “I mean, not today. My mom doesn’t like you very much, Rich, and she wanted me home early today anyway. I have to be inside in time for dinner. I’ll, uh, see you tomorrow at school, though.” Richie’s face scrunched up for a second in a weird look, but it passed quickly and Richie was soon bounding back down Eddie’s driveway as he waved and blew kisses dramatically at Eddie. Eddie stared after him for a while until his mom called for him from the doorway. He turned around and raced inside to eat dinner.

After Eddie finished eating dinner and had showered and taken his meds, he still felt weird about Richie. Like something wasn’t sitting right with him and he didn’t know what it was. He sat on the side of his bed and stared down at his phone for a minute before finally lifting it up and calling Bev.  
She picked up after the second ring. “Hey, Eddie! What’s up?”  
Eddie fidgeted with the bedsheets as he talked. “I, uh, wanted to talk to you. About something. But I was wondering if you would maybe come over to my house and talk to me in person?”

There was a short pause on the other end and Eddie thought he heard another voice talking to Bev. He heard a shuffling noise and then her voice. “You mean like right now?”  
He shook his head and creased his eyebrows even though he knew she couldn’t see her. “Oh, no, if you’re busy that’s okay, we can just talk another time. It’s, uh, it’s fine.”

“No way, it’s totally fine. I’ll be over in a minute, Eds. Don’t worry about it.”   
After she hung up, Eddie couldn’t help but think that it was weird to hear the nickname coming from someone’s mouth that wasn’t Richie’s. Eds. _Eds, Eds, Eds, Eds_. Sure, he hated the nickname, but coming from Richie, he thought he could deal with it. Just maybe.

After about 15 minutes of Eddie reading through various books and fidgeting around his room and being overall nervous to talk to Bev, the doorbell rang. Eddie heard his mom open the door and invite Bev in. He knew that Sonia Kaspbrak didn’t much like any of the losers, but out of all of them, Bev was her least favorite. She would never explicitly say it in front of Eddie, of course, but he knew that he thought of her as a “slut”. She had since they met when they were 12 years old. He heard his mom and Bev coming up the stairs and tried to look normal.

“Eddie-Bear, the Marsh girl is here to see you,” Sonia said as she pushed open his bedroom door. Bev walked in and smiled at Eddie, sitting down at the desk chair as Sonia motioned to Eddie to keep the door open and then padded back down the hallway and into her room.

Eddie turned to face Bev but stared down at his hands. “Hey, Bev. Thanks, for…” He trailed off. Bev nodded and propped her feet up on the desk as she turned to look at Eddie. 

“Hey, Eddie, look at me. What’s up with you?”

Eddie didn’t move his gaze away from his hands and the floor, but he tried to find a way to say what he wanted to say. 

“Bev, I… I think there’s something wrong with me. I mean, I don’t know what’s going on. I mean…”

“What’s wrong, are you getting sick?”

Eddie quickly looked up and shushed her, glancing to the door to make sure that his mom hadn’t heard.

“Keep your voice down. I don’t want my mom to hear.” He looked back down at the floor. “I’m not getting sick. It’s… it’s about Richie, I think. I don’t know.”

“What’s wrong? Did you guys get into a fight?”

Eddie shook his head. “I think-” His voice cracked and he tried to clear his throat. He oddly felt like crying, even though he knew he shouldn’t. Bev got up and moved from the chair to sit next to him on the bed and rubbed his back.

“Eddie, what is it? Did Richie do something? Is he mad at you?”

Eddie felt his eyes start to burn as he tried to hold in the urge to cry. He didn’t know what he even had to cry about. “I think…” he tried for a third time. “What if there’s something wrong with the way I feel about him? If it’s different than it used to be and I don’t know what’s going on?” 

Bev’s face twisted up a bit, but she tried to relax and not “make her faces out loud,” as Richie would say, so that she didn’t make Eddie feel any worse. She had no idea what he was talking about, but she tried to help anyway because the last thing she wanted was to see him worked up and sad. “How do you feel about Richie, Eddie? Can you maybe describe it?”

Eddie took a deep breath and started talking without thinking at all. “Well, whenever he touches me I feel better than I did before and I feel safe and warm and when he moves away it’s almost like I can still feel it but I can feel the absence of it too? And the absence is heavy? And whenever he calls me one of his dumb nicknames or calls me cute or pretends to flirt with me I pretend like I hate it but really I don’t mind it because even though I know he only means it as a joke, sometimes it makes me feel like maybe he-”

“Likes you?” Bev finished for him. Eddie had started crying by now, and as he nodded Bev pulled him into a hug. “Eddie, it’s okay. But I think that maybe, you might… like Richie?”

“Of course I do, we’re best friends,” Eddie said through sniffles as he sat up and wiped tears off his face. Bev shook her head.

“Eddie, I mean… do you like him as more than a friend? Like, if you were to choose between kissing him and kissing one of the prettiest girls at school, you would choose Richie, wouldn’t you?”

Eddie laid down across his bed and picked a spot on the ceiling to stare at so that he wouldn’t start crying again and shook his head. “Nevermind. Forget I said anything, please, Bev. I’m just gonna… you should go home and get some sleep. It’s almost 10 P.M. I’m sorry for wasting your time, I just… at least I talked about it. But… no.”

Bev shook her head and didn’t get up to leave. “Eddie, if you need to talk about it, I’m here. If you ever feel weird, or uncomfortable, or bad about it, talk to me. Because I promise you there’s nothing wrong with liking Richie. I mean, hell, your taste in men is not impeccable in my opinion, but if that’s what you like…” Eddie laughed a little bit at that and Bev smiled. She got up, and before leaving she said, “I know it feels weird but that’s only because it’s different. You’re not used to feeling that way about someone you’ve known your whole life. But at least you don’t have to tell anyone if you aren’t ready, and I’m always here for you.” And with that, she closed the door and left. 

After walking home, Bev opened the door and was greeted by a not-so-happy looking Richie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first couple chapters are pretty short, i'm sorry about that!! it bothers me lol, but i'm working on longer chapters with some more interesting stuff going on in 'em later. i was vibing to wait a minute by willow while i wrote this so it's probably not at all easy to read because i was aggressively dancing and kept forgetting what i was writing. oops. have a good day :))


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey what's up fuckers i'm finally getting into the groove of writing this; finally vibing with my work. very important announcement here, however. this chapter has some graphic descriptions of internalized homophobia going on and uses the f slur a couple of times, and this story in general is going to have a lot going on with aspects of internalized homophobia, so if that's a sensitive subject for you, beware and have a nice day. lemme know if there should be chapter summaries @ the end so ppl can skip the graphic stuff if they want :))

Richie followed Bev as she walked into the house to put her jacket away and sat down on the couch to watch TV. He dramatically draped himself over the back of the couch and groaned. “I can’t believe you would just _leave_ me like that. And for who? Some poor damsel in distress?”

“Actually, Richie,” Bev said, not looking away from the TV, “Eddie called me and asked me if I could come over. He wasn’t doing well. And besides, I was only gone for, like, half an hour. You lived, didn’t you?”

Richie fell over and onto the couch at the mention of Eddie. “Barely,” he said with a small groan. “What was wrong with Eds?”

Bev put the remote down as the Law & Order intro played on the TV, then turned to look at Richie. “I can’t tell you, Rich. He wanted to talk to me privately.”

Richie pouted and laid down on the couch again. “Come on, Bev, I can keep things private! I’m a very good secret keeper! Tell me what he said!” 

Bev shook her head and said, “Why are you interested anyway? Don’t you have better things to be thinking about?”

“Better things than my Eds? Why, never!” he said, clutching at his heart and kicking bev in the leg. To the best of his ability, anyway. Which wasn’t much. “Just tell me, Bev! I actually wanna know! Please! Eddie loves me, he wouldn’t mind me knowing, he’d tell me if he were here! He tells me everything! Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me,” he said, punctuating each tell me with a small kick. Beverly shook her head and smiled.

“Richie, shut up about your boy crush on Eddie for two seconds and listen to me. I’m not gonna tell you because Eddie specifically said not to! Seriously, Rich. You’re turning 18 and you still act like a child when you don’t get your way. You know I love you, I always will, but you and your dumb trashmouth cannot know everything that ever goes on. That would be dangerous to everyone’s health.”

Richie frowned. “What do you mean, _dangerous to everyone’s health_?”

“I mean that if you knew everything about everyone, you would never physically be able to shut up and we would all just cut our own heads off with butter knives in order to avoid having to hear you talk about every small detail about Eddie. It’s cute when you do that now, but what I’m saying is that if it increased to a greater level I think I would rather drink battery acid than hear that.” Bev finished with a smile and turned back to the TV, laying her head down on a pillow.

Richie sat up and cleared his throat, quickly changing the subject. “Alright, loser, since your aunt isn’t home tonight we can do whatever we want. Normally I would suggest getting blackout drunk and then talking about our feelings but seeing as how I am not in the mood, how about we play a game.”

Bev answered without looking away from the TV as she fumbled for the remote she had tossed on the couch to mute the volume. “Only if the loser pays for pizza.

“Fine, but the loser’s gonna be you. No doubt about it. How about truth or dare?”

Bev made a face at Richie. “You can’t lose at truth or dare, Rich.”

“Yes you can! Whoever chickens out first is a chicken, a loser, and pays for a large pizza with extra toppings!” Richie stood up and started dancing around the room, making chicken noises and flapping his arms. Beverly got up too, laughing, and tried to stop him. “You’re on, trashmouth.”

They played for about an hour, daring eachother to do stupid things like pretend like you’re a naked model on a runway or call a sandwich shop and explain as many of the rules of monopoly as you can before the employee hangs up on you, and asking stupid questions like what eachother’s search history is and if they sing in the shower. They were still both going strong at 11 P.M., Bev laying on the table and Richie laying on the floor, when Bev decided it was her turn again.

There was no way she was paying for a pizza, and she knew exactly how to win the game. They’d been playing long enough for her to catch Richie off guard with a question he wouldn’t answer, so she sat up and said, “Alright, Rich. I’ve got one. Truth or dare?”

Richie spoke up but didn’t move from his position on the floor. “Truth. I’m not a pussy. Give me your hardest question, Big Red.”

“Who do you have a crush on?”

Beverly already knew the answer to the question. She could tell from the things Richie said and did when he was around Eddie that he liked him. She figured he wouldn’t actually tell her, which was why she was so confident she wouldn’t be paying for pizza, but she wasn’t expecting him to react the way he did. She wasn’t expecting to hurt him.

Richie froze, not talking for a few seconds, thoughts running through his head so fast he didn’t know what would come out of his mouth if he were to open it. He knew who he liked, but he would never admit it. Every time he thought about it, he felt weird. He felt like he shouldn’t feel that way. And he shouldn’t have. He knew that. He knew that guys weren’t supposed to like other guys. It was disgusting, and he knew what happened to faggots. Especially in Derry. Beverly was his best friend, and he felt safe around her, telling her anything, but this was different. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to tell Bev. He didn’t want to admit it to himself. If he admitted it to himself, then it would be real, and everything Bowers said about him would be true. He would be nothing but a fucking fag. If he ever acknowledged the feelings he had… the things that happened to Adrian Mellon infiltrated his mind. He was killed, and Richie sure as hell wasn't gonna end up that way. He wouldn’t die because of something as fucking stupid as that. 

Richie was brought out of his thoughts when Bev put a hand on his arm, and he was surprised to feel hot tears streaming down his cheeks. He shook his head softly and let Bev pull him into a hug.

“Shh, it’s okay. Hey, it’s okay, you’re okay. Everything is okay. God, Richie, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel like this, I didn’t know,” she said, rubbing small circles on his back. Richie sniffled and his sobs started to slow down, then stop. After a couple of minutes, he gently pulled himself out of Bev’s grip and sat back on his heels. He took his glasses off, dried his face and gave his glasses a quick swipe on his shirt, and put them back on.

“I guess I owe us a pizza, huh?” he said with a soft laugh.

“No, it’s alright. I’ll get the pizza and we can just watch TV and chill on the couch tonight. My treat.” As she walked to the phone to call in the order, she added an afterthought. “Your glasses are filthy, Rich. Eddie’s right; there’s no way you can see out of those things. For the love of God, please clean them.” Richie smiled and hopped onto the couch as Beverly tapped in the number for the pizza place and called in their order.

The rest of their night was quiet, with not even a witty remark from the trashmouth himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im a genius and rewrote this entire chapter after writing it twice because i hated it and now im posting without editing bc im sick and tired of staring this chapter in the face


	4. Chapter 4

Eddie sat in the library eating his lunch and doing homework. He would’ve eaten lunch with the other losers, but all of them were busy with clubs or eachother and he didn’t want to intrude. He had his first rehearsal that day, and to say he was nervous would be a fucking understatement. He was _terrified_. He honestly hadn’t even expected to get a role in the musical, and what he _did_ expect was minimal. He figured he would’ve gotten a part in the ensemble so that he could sink into the back if need be. However, that morning he had woken up to an email from Topeka with the cast list attached, and his heart had sunk. Playing a lead role would’ve been amazing, a dream, but when he read his name next to the lead role on the list he wanted to vomit. He could play the part just fine, he wasn’t nervous about that. But the name below his, next to the second lead character, was Richie Tozier.

Eddie and Richie were playing romantic leads.

_I have to pretend to be in love with a boy._

_The people at school will fucking kill me when they find out._

Eddie tried to reason with himself, reassuring himself that it was only a role and nobody would really think that he was gay, but it didn’t help. He might have been playing a role, but in a way, he wasn’t. And the truth always had a way of coming out. Literally. Whenever he saw one of the few out gay kids at his school, they sported black eyes or broken arms… mostly by Bowers and his gang. 

Bowers would fucking kill him.

What if he messed up and accidentally said something a little too realistically? No, that was stupid. Nobody would notice if he did that. It wouldn’t out him. That was the point of acting, after all. Problem solved. He would be fine, nothing bad would happen.

Eddie felt like he was lying.

Suppressing his feelings for his childhood best friend wouldn’t work forever. It was terrible of him to pretend to be in love with Richie without telling him the truth. It would be like he was using him. Which… obviously wasn’t cool for a friend to do. But he couldn’t tell Richie. He’d hate him.

Eddie heard the library doors slam against the wall as someone forcefully pushed them open, and as he turned around to look at who it was, he was met with Bowers’ face three inches away from his, with a fistful of his shirt in Henry’s hand. He pulled him up and shoved him to the ground, standing over him.

“Well, well. If it isn’t the fucking _faggot_ ,” he sneered, looming over Eddie. Eddie tried to use the bookshelf behind him to push himself up, but Henry kicked his leg and he stumbled backwards, knocking books off the shelf. 

“Wh- what the fuck do you want, Bowers?”

Henry sneered. “What, you and Big Bill both got stutters now? Come on, fairy boy. Use your words.”  
Henry gave him another shove, sending him stumbling backwards yet again. Eddie tried to duck around him and run away, out of the library, anywhere but there, but Henry grabbed his arm before he could get past him and jerked him back. He hit the corner of a table and cried out, feeling sharp pains shoot up his spine and through his arms and legs. He struggled to his feet and flinched as Henry raised his fist again and then laughed, pulling it away again. Eddie started backing up, hoping, wishing that someone, _anyone_ would see this happening and stop it. He pulled his arms close to his body, shaking. Henry advanced toward him, his facial features screwed up. 

He looked more menacing now than he ever had in the hallways, when he would threaten the losers with his fist, or call them faggots, or freaks. The look on his face made Eddie’s heart pound, and his breathing was ragged. He frantically grabbed at his fanny pack for his inhaler, not wanting to take his eyes off of Henry, who was now smiling and reaching into his pocket. Eddie couldn’t feel his inhaler, or his fanny pack under his shirt. He looked around quickly and saw it lying on the ground a few feet away. 

Eddie felt his eyes begin to burn, and his throat closed up. Something gleamed in Henry Bowers’ hand and Eddie’s breathing came to a halt. He closed his eyes tightly, shrinking into himself, terrified, when he heard a sound. The greatest sound he had ever heard in his life. He heard the librarian’s soft footsteps round the corner and he heard her gasp of horror when she saw the two boys. She dropped the book she was holding onto a table and quickly rushed over to stop the scene unfolding before her. Henry scowled and quickly pocketed the knife in his hand, turning on his heel to run out of the library. 

The librarian offered Eddie her hand, but he shakily stood up on his own, keeping his eyes on the ground as he ran out of the library, and in the opposite direction of the way Bowers had gone. He had to get as far away from him as possible. He ran and ran, he didn’t stop running even when his lungs started to burn and his throat started to close up.  
He ran until he got to an open field that lied right next to the woods. Kids went missing in those woods all the time, much too often, but Eddie was familiar with the area. He had been going to that field, laying in the overgrown grass and letting the wind wash over his face, since he was 12 years old. Since after… the incident. For a long time, it had been the only place he could go without seeing that stupid fucking clown taunting him, forcing him to relive what had happened when he had been a young kid. It was his place, a place nobody knew about. A place he could do what he wanted.

Now, he sat down with his back against a tree, wheezing as he tried to catch his breath. He wished desperately that he had his inhaler, but it was still at the library, along with the rest of his things. He’d left so fast he didn’t have time to even think. Now, as he sat in his only safe place with hot tears streaming down his face, all he could think about was worry. He wasn’t even worried about a specific thing. He couldn’t place it. He had no idea why Henry had been so furious with him that day. It had been the same as every other day, and that was what terrified him. He didn’t know what was wrong, or what was to come.

After a few minutes, Eddie decided to get up and go back to school. Or at least the library. He needed to get his things back, and he couldn’t sit out here all day. Someone would notice and know something was wrong, and he didn’t want that. Or maybe he didn’t want to acknowledge anything was wrong in the first place. He didn’t see why anything _should_ be wrong, anyway. He had the lead role in a play, he had friends who cared about him, and he just narrowly avoided death. Everything was fine, and he somehow still held an odd sense of foreboding.

He tried to shake it off as he used his hands to push himself up to his feet and leaned against the tree to slow his breathing and wipe the tears out of his eyes. Once he was confident everything was okay, he began the long walk back to school.

Rehearsals had gone a lot better than Eddie had thought they would. They had just done a cold read of the script; Eddie had had nothing to stress about after all. He didn’t see Henry Bowers after the library incident, and Richie hadn’t talked to him much. That was good. He didn’t think he could handle talking to Richie after the day that he had. He was starting to think he could act like things were normal around Richie, and he wouldn’t have to tell him his secret to feel okay about it. But for now, he wanted to hang out with the losers. It had been a while since they had all hung out together in one place. 

Eddie shrugged off his windbreaker as he walked through the door to the diner. He’d always found it curious that it never had a name; the blazing red LED sign on the roof had always just said “ _Diner_ ”. He glanced around, then spotted his friends sitting in a booth in the far corner. He smiled as he walked up to them.

“Hey there, Eds!” Richie gave him a broad smile and scooted closer to the wall to make room for Eddie on the booth next to him. Eddie accepted the seat and turned to smile at the rest of the losers, ignoring Richie when he threw an arm around his shoulders. Eddie could practically feel his smile radiating against his skin.

“Hey, guys, long time no see,” he said, pulling out a menu as they turned to look at him. Bill nodded at him. 

“H-h-hey, Eddie. How are you?”

The group all exchanged pleasantries, but it didn’t last long before Ben dragged Mike into a conversation about whether or not attempted murder should be illegal, and soon all the losers were chiming in loudly with their own opinions on the matter. It felt easy to fall back into their old patterns from when they were younger, and had more time to hang out all together. It was nice.

A couple of hours later, everyone had finished up at the diner and they’d all decided to go to Bill’s house to watch movies and play games like they had when they were 15 years old. They played monopoly, poker, and watched Pet Sematary, during which all the losers huddled together out of fear. 

Eventually, Mike stood up, excusing himself and saying that he had to go finish his chores on the farm and get some sleep. Bev and Stan followed after, saying that they had things to do, too. Ben, Richie, and Eddie stayed, deciding to sleep over at Bill’s and all walk to school together the next morning. Ben and Bill had fallen asleep, and Eddie was lying on top of a pile of pillows, curled up and breathing steadily. 

Richie sat awake on the couch, unable to sleep. He got up and walked to where Eddie was sleeping, sitting down on the floor next to him and hesitantly moving his hand to place it in the smaller boy’s hair. Richie absentmindedly played with the curls, drowning out the sound of the TV behind him and letting his thoughts wash over him for once. Finally letting himself be at peace for just a few minutes. He looked down at Eddie, whose freckles stood out in the soft glow of the light from the screen, and he looked so much more peaceful than Richie had ever seen him before. Whenever he saw Eddie’s face, it was usually screwed up into a look of anger, or annoyance, or a laugh. Never peaceful. 

He sat, his hand tangled in the boy’s curls while he reflected, when he felt Eddie shift slightly. Richie froze, panicked, afraid Eddie had woken up, but when he didn’t say anything for a few seconds, he relaxed again, letting his shoulders drop from the tense position they had been in. 

Suddenly, Eddie spoke up, his voice soft and quiet, but definitely there nonetheless. “Rich, you know I’m awake, right?”

Richie pulled his hand back, wrapping his arms around himself and shifting his gaze to the ground, his cheeks flushed. 

Fuck.

“Fuck, Eds, I’m sorry, I- I just couldn’t sleep and I…” he trailed off. He fidgeted with the hem of his shirt as Eddie pulled himself up so he could sit up and face Richie. He saw Richie’s face, illuminated by the TV, and he looked terrified. 

Eddie shouldn’t have said anything.

Richie shouldn’t have done anything. 

They both sat in silence, thinking the uncomfortable air around them was their own fault, when Eddie suddenly shifted to lay down again, this time laying his head in Richie’s lap. Richie looked down at him, surprised, but didn’t say anything as Eddie closed his eyes and his breathing steadied. Richie didn’t want to move for fear of disturbing Eddie, so he quietly took his glasses off and tossed them onto Bill’s basement couch, then grabbed a pillow and lied there until he fell asleep.

_What the fuck is happening?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god ive been in such a writers block lately but i finally got back into it and im so happy. this chapter spent so long sitting in my drafts, not knowing where to go with it, but in the end it ended up leading to a lot more stuff in the future so that's pretty fucking snazzy. sorry it's been like more than a week since i last updated ill try to be better about that now that im back in my groove!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i disappeared for like a month lol but now im under quarantine so i have plenty of time to write but. i am so tired i am relying on autocorrect to make this even the slightest bit readable

“Rich, I’m sorry, don’t storm off like this! Please!”

Richie huffed as Eddie ran after him towards his car. It was early in the morning, and the sun was barely up. Eddie would’ve preferred to watch the sunrise, but instead he was stuck fighting with Richie. Again. He tried to grab Richie’s arm as he got into his car, but he wouldn’t look at him as he put the key in the ignition. 

“Richie, what’s wrong? You’ve got to at least _talk_ to me, I don’t even know what you’re mad about and that’s not fair! We’re best friends, Rich! You have to talk to me!” Eddie desperately pleaded with Richie, who finally sighed and turned to Eddie. 

“Fine, Eddie. You want to know what’s wrong? What the hell was that last night? Fuck you, you can’t just do that! That’s weird. We’re…” He faltered off and looked away, starting the ignition. “I gotta go, Eds. I’ll see you later.” 

Richie drove away, leaving Eddie standing in Bill’s driveway. He didn’t move for a few seconds, and when he felt the pressure behind his eyes that he knew meant he was about to cry, he ran inside, grabbed his jacket, and ran out of the house without saying anything. He could hear Bill calling after him from the porch but he didn’t stop. 

He ran for a long time, until his asthma began to reach out to claim his lungs and made taking another breath seem impossible. He stopped running and dropped onto the heels of his feet, hugging his knees and burying his head in his arms. His mind raced even faster than his lungs. He stayed there, unmoving, for as long as he could bear to before the burning tears soaked through his jacket sleeves and he could physically feel the weight of his emotions. He lifted his head to look up at the sky and

Screamed.

And screamed.

He screamed as much as he could, whatever he wanted to. Strings of cuss words, angry jabs at the world, you name it. He screamed and yelled at the sky until his throat hurt.   
Later on, talking to Bev, he would say that he had done it because the tightly lidded bottle inside of him had finally overflowed and shattered and he had to let it out, but the real reason was quite different. To an extent, he was telling the truth, because it had felt that way. But in that moment, Eddie Kaspbrak, the small, angry, badass asthmatic, had been furious and terrified. He was angry at God or whatever greater force was allowing this to happen because what the _fuck_. Anything who actually cared about its creations wouldn’t allow such abominations. 

_Abominations._

At first, Eddie connected the abomination and injustice to the fact that he was, regrettably, very gay and very in love with his best friend. He didn’t particularly like the word gay. It made him feel dirty; uncomfortable. The thing was, he didn’t even give a flying fuck about other gay people. He had no problem with them; they seemed completely normal. But the second it came to admitting it to himself that he was one of them, it completely shifted the tides of his innermost feelings. The ones that he couldn’t control no matter how hard he tried. The ones that made him believe that he was _sick_. 

Then he moved on to thinking the real injustice was the ups and downs that Richie and Eddie constantly seemed to be going through. They had always been best friends, ever since they were little kids, and Eddie didn’t want to lose that. But the energy between them had shifted lately, and Richie had seemed more standoffish than usual. Eddie hated it. He and Richie’s friendship had always been full of quips and arguments but never like they were now. One moment Richie seemed like all he wanted was to make Eddie happy, and the next, he was turning a cold shoulder to the same boy. The night at Bill’s had felt comfortable to Eddie, like how Richie and Eddie used to be when they were younger. Sleeping together in the most innocent sense. Holding eachother without giving a fuck about whether or not it made them “faggots.” They hadn’t cared, but now Richie did and Eddie was afraid it was all his fault. Richie probably knew that Eddie was gay, he probably made it really obvious, and now he hated him. He probably thought Eddie was disgusting and wouldn’t want to be around him. 

Inside, Eddie knew Richie would never hate him. Still, it didn’t stop the thoughts from tormenting him.

Eddie eventually wiped his face with his jacket sleeve, snot and tears coating the fabric. 

“Fucking _gross_ ,” Eddie said, pushing himself up off the ground and looking around. He started to regret coming out here. He knew he was overreacting but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t know how he was supposed to feel and it was annoying, to say the least. He tried to shake it off for the time being and started on the walk back to Bill’s, where his backpack and phone and… well, _everything_ still was. 

Eddie had made it through the rest of the day as usual. Richie had mostly avoided him during classes, which Eddie didn’t mind. He had spent most of the day trying to distract himself. During lunch, he sat with Stan, Bill, and Ben, while Bev, Mike, and Richie were off doing their own things. The other losers had noticed that Eddie had been more talkative after coming back from running off out of nowhere that morning. The truth was, he talked to distract himself. The more he talked, the less he could think. By the time the final bell rang, he had probably burned 200 calories just by talking. Stan had been telling Eddie this as they walked through the halls when Bev jogged up to them. 

“Hey, Eddie. Stan. Eddie, do you have time before rehearsals to come to the clubhouse with me and talk? It’s about Rich.”

“Oh, did Richie finally get lung cancer from all those nasty cigarettes and dumbass tendencies and now he’s dying? Tell him I said good and I hope the cancer speeds it up.”

Beverly shot Eddie a look and he held his hands up in surrender and nodded. Stanley cleared his throat and spoke up.

“I should probably get going anyway. My dad wants me home before dark. I’ll see you guys next week.” He went on his way with a wave, leaving Bev and Eddie standing by themselves. Bev wrapped her arm around Eddie’s and they walked to the clubhouse together.

By the time they reached the clubhouse, Eddie was thankful for the slight warmth it provided. The fall air outside was crisp and cold, and Eddie had left his jacket in his gym locker earlier. Fall had always been Eddie’s favorite season

_and Richie’s_

but he wasn’t particularly a fan of the cold winds nipping at his bare arms, even though it was only a five minute walk. 

Beverly and Eddie sat in some of the dirty chairs they had been able to scrounge up for the clubhouse. Bev sprawled comfortably across two chairs, while Eddie nervously slouched and fidgeted in his own seat. 

“So, you and Richie haven’t been talking today.”

Eddie looked up at Bev and shrugged. “Yeah, I guess not.”

“Is everything okay between you guys? Did he…?”

Eddie gave her a weird look before realizing what she meant.

_Did Richie find out you like him_?

“Nah. It’s nothing, really. I just… accidentally fucked something up. We’ll be okay by tomorrow, probably. Is this seriously what you dragged me to the clubhouse to talk about?”  
Beverly smiled and pulled a cigarette from the pack in her pocket, lighting it as she talked. “Nope. I brought you here because you, Eds, need to talk about your actual feelings for once instead of… well, not doing that.”

Eddie tried to look away from Bev, but her smile felt like it radiated warmth and made it difficult not to trust her. He sighed and shook his head. “What am I supposed to say?”

“Tell me what happened between you guys, or why it matters so much, or why you’re so afraid of him. Tell me how you feel and why. I promise, Eddie, once you talk about it, you’ll feel better.”

Eddie took a deep breath. He didn’t know where he was gonna start, but once he started talking, he knew he’d be able to keep going. “Okay, well… Last night me and Richie stayed over at Bill’s house and it got really late so we were both sleeping on the floor but when I almost fell asleep I felt Richie come and sit by me so I was half asleep and I cuddled with him and he seemed okay with it at the time but this morning he flipped out and he said it was weird cause we were… I don’t know what he was gonna say. He wouldn’t tell me. But I messed up and now he’s mad at me and it’s weird not goofing off with him all day.”

Beverly smiled softly and nodded, listening to everything Eddie was saying. 

Eddie shifted in his seat. “He can be such a dick sometimes. He’s really goddamn loud and obnoxious and loves attention but the second someone else does something wrong he completely turns on them. He acts like he’s never done anything wrong in his life, and it’s so fucking _aggravating_ sometimes! He wears dumb fucking clothes and they’re always so goddamn colorful they hurt your eyes and he calls everyone by dumb fucking nicknames and he’s always arguing with me but-” 

Eddie stopped talking and looked at a poster Richie had hung up on the wall years earlier, during one summer when it had gotten to hot to ride bikes. He’d made all the losers come to the clubhouse with him and listen to his music, and then he had put up the band poster. Eddie still remembered the look on Richie’s face as he had played songs for them. He had looked happy, and peaceful, and like he had no problems. Eddie barely ever saw that anymore when he was around him and he missed it.

_He loved it._

“But what, Eds?”

Eddie looked back up at Bev and into her eyes.

“But I still fucking love him.”

Beverly smiled and reached out her hand to Eddie. Eddie held onto it and kept talking.

“Yeah, he’s really fucking dumb, but he’s actually really smart and he’s funny and he knows that, but if you tell him how funny he is, he still acts like it’s the first and greatest time he’s ever been told. His hawaiian shirts are really dumb, and his glasses are too big for his face, but that’s just him. And without words, we all just accept him for him and he never realizes that. And he’s… He’s cute. His stupid fucking hair and his stupid fucking smile and oh my god im gay and I hate it because Richie Tozier is the one who made me realize it. The fucking trashmouth.”

Bev gave his leg a soft kick, and said, “Eddie, we accept you for you too. No matter what. That’s the one thing you and Richie actually have in common for once. Neither of you realize how much we all love you, and it’ll be okay if you come out. But it’s also okay if you don’t. Because you’re still you, and nothing’s changed.” She let go of Eddie’s hand and stood up, brushing off her pants. “Speaking of which, Halloween is coming up. Next week. We gotta get all the Losers together and do something fun.”

“Yeah, definitely. We’ll figure something out.”

Eddie stood up too, and before they could leave the clubhouse, Richie tumbled in, stumbling to a halt and straightening up to look at Eddie and Beverly.

Eddie was the first to speak up. “What the fuck, Rich?”

Richie opened his mouth, then faltered. “I, uh, came to see if you needed a ride back to school. Rehearsal starts in a few minutes and I just thought maybe it’d be… easier if I drove you there. Only if you want to,” he added, reaching up to adjust his glasses. 

Eddie gave him a weird look. “How fucking long were you there, asshole? Before you came in?”

“Not long, just a couple seconds. Why?”

Eddie took a step closer to Richie. “No way. Were you listening to our conversation?”

Richie stepped back and shook his head. Some of his hair fell into his face, and Eddie resisted the urge to reach up and push it back. He crossed his arms.  
“Fine. Whatever. Let’s get to rehearsals, you fucking ass.”

Eddie pushed Richie lightly out of the clubhouse, finding it impossible to be truly annoyed with him for possibly eavesdropping. He caught Richie smiling a little bit as they got into his car, and Eddie couldn’t help but smile back.

“So… does this mean everything between us is okay?” Eddie asked hesitantly.

Richie looked over at him. “Yeah, Eds. Everything is okay. I could never stay mad at you and your cute little face.” He reached over and pinched Eddie’s cheek, who turned his head away, trying to hide his smile.

“Stop, that is so annoying! And don’t call me Eds,” he scolded, but they both knew he didn’t mean it. 

Richie nodded and turned his focus back to the road. “Yeah. Everything’s okay,” he said again, and started the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so i have an outline of all of the chapters already, but i want to add some extra stuff/some fillers here and there so if y'all could leave comments with some things you'd want to see in this story that would be greatly appreciated :)) like should i do more from richie's pov?? and are there extra reddie fluff/angst concepts u guys want to see


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